If someone were to ask me how I spent my birthday this year, I’d tell them, “teaching class and managing diarrhea.” Not to make anyone feel bad, it’s just how things turned out. Someone had planned a surprise for me that, unfortunately, did not come to fruition due to a last minute work emergency that I had to tend to. In any case, I spent my birthday doing what I do best – giving to other people. I am thankful that I was able to give something important to someone and also live according to my ideals.
Birthdays, at times, can be a bit complicated for me as they bring to the surface some complex emotions. I remember many birthdays growing up that were ruined by familial conflicts. I felt invisible and that I was not as important as whatever conflict was occurring.
However, as an adult, my birthdays have been great. I get to do what I prefer, which is spend time with my family and loved ones. This year, before my two month journey abroad, my son paid for our dinner at one of our favorite restaurants.
At the end of the day, celebrating my birthday isn’t really that important to me now. Just like many other celebrations, I feel that birthdays have become a consumerist activity in which a large party and extravaganza become the focal point rather than showing genuine care for someone. That’s not to say I don’t want people to celebrate my birthday, but to me it won’t feel genuine if the people involved haven’t shown me that they care about me the rest of the year. Spending time with my loved ones and enjoying their presence on my birthday is the most important thing to me. So if someone doesn’t have time for me the rest of the year, why bother celebrating me on one supposedly special day?
I guess that’s where I’m going with this. I think that for some people, not having had a big celebration on their 40th birthday (or any kind, really) would have made them feel bad. And I won’t say that I didn’t feel a little sad. But being alone in another country, with nobody to hug me, or bring me a birthday cake, or take me out to dinner, or sing me happy birthday, I realized that I’m sufficient. We tend to fill empty things with value – for the rest of the world, my birthday is just another day on the calendar, nothing special unless I’m special to you.
I received some thoughtful and sweet messages on my birthday. But after speaking with a friend of mine about social media reminding people of our birthdays, I decided to delete mine from Facebook. Even now I really don’t understand why, but I felt a great sense of relief when I went to Facebook the one time I checked it on my birthday and nobody had posted anything to my wall.
Going back to what I was saying previously, even though nobody really celebrated my birthday this year in some grand, extravagant way, I know that for the people for whom I’m important, I am celebrated all the time. When they invite me to have breakfast or dinner with them. When they suggest we do stuff together. When they make plans with me and show me that my presence is one that they appreciate. When they hug me. When they listen to me when I’m sad and dry my tears. When they celebrate my accomplishments. When they’re appreciative of my efforts because they know I’m there for them too. When they forgive me on my bad days. When they give of their presence, their time and their care. That is a true celebration of someone’s life.
So, let’s celebrate each other every day. Life is too short not to. And just in case nobody has told you today – you’re special, you’re unique and you are valuable to us all. I am thankful for you and your life.
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